Molly on the Menu

I think the coolest thing about life is that it is your own story, and you have complete control over the plot and how it pans out. Writing is something that I’ve had a love for since before I can remember, but I have just recently come into my true voice and purpose of writing. 

There are always parallels between the writer’s life and their work. Throughout my most recent years of writing, it’s become very prevalent that the events in my life heavily influence my creativity. 

Since moving to Barcelona and finding comfort in my writing, I have seen almost a reverse of roles between my life and my content. 

I am writing the story of the life that I am manifesting for myself. And the best part? I can throw in a life-changing plot twist at any time. 

I love a good plot twist. The kind of plot twist that completely changes the trajectory of any original path or plan. The kind of plot twist that makes you question if the protagonist is mentally stable in their decision making process. The twist that makes you wonder, “How the hell would that even work in this story?”

But what’s even better than a plot twist? 

The suspense and anticipation.

If you haven’t gathered yet, I have written a wonderful plot twist into the Barcelona chapter of my life story. One that won’t be revealed just yet.

I’ve found that exposing your intentions before the action is carried out can affect the outcome of the plot twist. 

That is another good lesson in manifestation that I think is important to bring attention to. Writing about what you want in your life is a manifestation that you bring into the physical world through language and communication. 

When you write about how you “want” or “plan” to do something, you are bringing the thought and intention into reality. However, when you are broadcasting it to the public before any action has been taken, you are removing some of the magic. The suspense is gone, and in turn, the final outcome does not feel as rewarding to announce. 

This entire blog post has turned into one big metaphor, so it may not make as much sense to the reader as it does to me. 

Through all of the challenges and successes I have experienced during my time in Spain, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned to pay more attention to my own needs, and to not be afraid to vocalize or pursue them, even if others may not agree.

I have learned that – being as much of an empath as I am – it is easy to get lost in the habit of people-pleasing. I find myself minimizing my feelings, thoughts, and experiences to make others feel more comfortable. 

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I took a small day trip to Sitges, Spain over this past weekend with a few friends that I had just recently met. On the train ride there, we played a card game about owning your truth. I pulled a question, “What do you think is something that is being misunderstood about you?”

I answered, “I think my entire identity is misunderstood right now. Because I feel like I cannot be my fullest and truest self when meeting new people. I don’t want to be too much.”

One of the girls responded, “Never minimize yourself to make others feel more comfortable. You deserve to express yourself truthfully.”

I then registered that I have been doing this in many areas of my life, even around people I’ve had relationships with for years.

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The most difficult part of being a people-pleaser is that once you realize how often and consistently you have been going out of your way to appeal to others, you also realize how much disappointment and confrontation will come from removing those habits in your personal interactions. 

There are a lot of decisions I am making that may upset or confuse people, but it’s because they are so accustomed to the version of myself that is willing to go out of my way for others, even if it means that I am reducing my own needs. 

The plot twist of my story – without ruining the suspense – is that I am taking back my power. I am taking back my willingness to say no. I am taking back my ability to tend to my own needs before others. I am embracing the uncomfortability that comes with changing the dynamic of some of my closest relationships. I am making decisions for myself that may seem irresponsible or irrational to others, but to me I am fulfilling my need for happiness and freedom.

I am no longer allowing the flames of my soul to simmer down to a small glow for the comfort of those sitting around it. I am feeding my fire with intention, until the flames reach the ceiling and burn all the way through, revealing an entire world of new opportunities and possibilities. For myself and myself only.